


Pet-Sitting

by AshsHorrorShow



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Hyenas are Annoying, Jonathan is Done With the World, Reformed Jonathan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 06:38:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8834236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshsHorrorShow/pseuds/AshsHorrorShow
Summary: How did Jonathan find himself in these kind of situations?





	

Jonathan Crane didn’t know what to think when his phone began to ring. After all, no one ever called him unless it was a bill collector informing him that he was behind on his payments again or a henchman updating him on something. However, seeing as he had actually been managing to keep up with his bills nowadays (he had been avoiding bookstores like the plague to avoid blowing all of his cash like he did in the past) and currently had no hired henchmen at his disposal (he had been a behaving Gotham citizen for more than four months now), he had no idea who could be on the other line. That made him nervous. 

 

As he approached the phone, his heartbeat began to quicken in pace. He knew most likely it was a telemarketer or something equally stupid, but his mind couldn’t help but wander back to Edward Nygma and Oswald Cobblepot’s stories back in Arkham on how Batman had supposedly kept intimidating throughout their time out of Arkham. He didn’t doubt their stories at all. He knew for a fact that the Batman kept tabs on all of his villains, whether they were in or out of Arkham. The incident with Bromley had proven that to him. Ever since he became aware of that truth, his paranoia had been skyrocketing the past few months. Every time he thought he felt a pair of eyes boring into the back of his head, only to turn around and see nothing there, he couldn’t help but wonder if the Batman was hidden in the shadows, waiting for him to do something bad so he could throw him back into Arkham. Not that he would be able to, Jonathan had vowed that he was done with the rogue lifestyle for good, but it was still a creepy feeling. He had to admire the flying rodent. It had been a while since anyone had been able to produce such a fear response in him and it was kind of a thrilling feeling still.

 

Pulling the phone to his ear, he braced himself to hear a gruff, deep voice to issue him some kind of warning or to hear someone begin to try and advertise him some kind of stupid product… one could only imagine his surprise when instead he heard Harley Quinn’s squeaky voice piping through the line instead. 

“Professor Crane? Is that you on the phone? Please say that it is…”

 

He stood in a confused silence for a few heartbeats before he finally regained control of his tongue. Voice full of disbelief, he said, “Miss Quinzel? Is that you? What are you doing calling me… aren’t you in Arkham?”

 

Ever since Jonathan had retired the Scarecrow moniker, he admittedly hadn’t kept up with the other Rogue Gallery members. Of course, when he left his apartment to go grocery shopping every now and then, he would occasionally catch one of their grand plans in progress or see the destructive aftermath… but that was about all of his exposure to them anymore. He didn’t know which ones were in Arkham and which ones were out, he didn’t know about any of their current schemes, and God only knows how long it had been since he had stepped into the Iceberg Lounge after he saw how much Oswald was willing to charge for one drink the last time he had went there.

 

He remembered spotting Jervis Tetch once in a shopping center when he had went to buy a shirt, and despite the fact that he had actually held a cordial relationship with the man back in Arkham, he had refused to initiate conversation and had more or less did his best to blend in with the crowd. 

 

He was serious about separating himself from that crowd. Sure, if he heard some legitimate news about some of the more decent rogues like Jervis or Edward reforming for a solid period of time, perhaps he might make conversation with them next time he happened to come across them. But until then, for the sake of his mental health and living a somewhat decent rest of his life, he was absolutely done communicating with any of them.

 

He had stopped interacting with his Scarecrow persona. If he remembered to swallow his pills every day and not let his emotions get the better of him (which admittedly was hard at times), the Scarecrow would remain dead and silent within the confines of his mind. If ever he was to appear, Jonathan did his best not to interact with him, just as he had been instructed.

 

He was only Jonathan Crane now.

 

However, when it came to Harley and her awful boyfriend, he couldn’t avoid news of them no matter how hard he tried. The two of them had made such an infamous name for themselves in Gotham, that they essentially made themselves celebrities. If one of them so much as sneezed on someone, it would be all over the newspapers, all the talk in the city, and all over the television for days before they inevitably did something else that caught people’s attention. 

 

Seeing as their most recent crime had happened only yesterday, he had heard plenty of talk already across the city. He still wasn’t one hundred percent sure what the motive of their crime had been (the press was still scrambling around for details), but he knew it had resulted in several buildings and people being covered in some kind of unidentifiable foam (which so far seemed harmless), God knows how much property damage, gag toys all over the place, and of course, Joker’s signature laughing gas taking out a dozen or so people. By the end of the day though, he really didn’t care what their goal had been because the story ended the same way it always did. That being the Batman showing up at the right time, stopping them, and locking them away in Arkham once more. The citizens of Gotham would soon move on with their lives like they always did, bracing themselves for when the next rogue would decide to try his or her hand at terrorizing the city. 

 

He was simply thankful that he hadn’t gone outside the day they attacked.

 

When he heard the news, he hadn’t thought much. A small smidgen deep within him felt a little bad for Harley, as he knew the girl hated it there, but hey what could he do about it? He had his own life to worry about. Besides, he knew it was only a matter of time before she and Joker escaped again anyway to wreak more havoc so…

 

He was done worrying for them for the most part. He had separated himself from that life. He had to remember that.

 

But now it seemed he was getting forcibly dragged back into it with Harley randomly calling him. He glanced behind him, half-expecting Batman poised to punch him. This had to be a test of some kind right? It seemed like an opportunity the Batman would take advantage of…

 

Did the Batman give his number to the girl? 

 

“Professor Crane, how many times do I gotta tell you to just call me Harley? And uh… I may of convinced Eddie to give it to me…”

 

That little rat! See this is why he couldn’t trust anyone nowadays. He trusted one person with his phone number (only because Edward was a closer acquaintance than most and because Edward asked first, and Jonathan knew from experience that if he denied the man, the redheaded man would just go the extra mile to find out for himself), and that friend was over here just giving it to random people. He was going to have to take back his rule of not keeping up with the rogues just this once. He was going to make sure the moment Edward got out of Arkham that he met him personally at the gate and gave him a well-deserved slap to the face.

 

“I promise I didn’t write it down or anything Professor Crane. But I needed him to tell me because I have a favor that I need to ask you to do. It’s really important, I swear!” Harley piped through the line. 

 

No. Hell no. Hell fucking no. This was the proof right here. The proof that this was all some sort of test. This was the real test to see if he was reformed or not. Harley was going to give him some mission like, fear-gassing an enemy that she or her boyfriend hadn’t managed to reach during their last mission or was going to request that he break into a bank and bail her out or something like that. The Batman probably had made a deal with her. He could see it now, the vigilante offering to shave time off of her sentence if she was willing to fool him into proving to the world that he couldn’t handle reformation. Even if it was a genuine request on Harley’s part, she clearly did not get the memo that he was done with that life now. 

 

He knew that he was playing a dangerous game right now. If Harley was being genuine, then him denying her a favor might result in her and her awful boyfriend getting revenge on him somehow… but that was a risk he was willing to take. He still had some fear gas stowed away just in case… and he was fully prepared to use it if needed be.

 

Before he could politely decline her request though, Harley said, “I need you to watch the babies for me!”

 

“Babies?!” He spluttered, taken aback, “When did you and the Joker have children?” The news was all over the fact that Harley was caught eating ice cream at one specific ice cream parlor… but not that she had been impregnated by the clown spawn himself? How did she retain such an amazing figure throughout pregnancy? Why would she go out on missions with children.

 

“Oh no, no! My babies are Bud and Lou… my and Pudding’s hyenas,” Harley explained hurriedly. 

 

Okay, so that made a little more sense. He remembered Harley talking quite extensively about her well-trained hyenas that Joker had given her quite frequently in Arkham. Thankfully, he had never met them face to face, but according to Harley, they were quite effective at incapacitating enemies if she ordered them to. 

 

While admittedly, hearing that she had such powerful and ferocious and exotic creatures under her command had been quite fascinating to him, he had no intentions of ever meeting them in person. But now, here Harley was just expecting him to take care of them for her. But the real question here was why. 

 

Running a hand through his hair, he said, “Why are you coming to me with this? Don’t you have henchmen for this kind of thing?”

 

“Well, normally I would get Selina or Red to take care of them for me… but Selina is off to Paris right now doing god knows what… probably stealing a diamond or something and Red is in here with me. And the last time I got a henchman to take care of them… they were mean to my poor babies! And then he was over here expecting compensation when those two ripped his arm off…”

 

Deciding to pointedly ignore the last statement he said, “And what makes you think I would be any better at taking care of them?”

 

“Because you have experience taking care of animals, Professor Crane. You tell me all the time about that pet crow of yours and I’ve seen you incorporate horses into your plans quite often!” Harley said, “Plus, I can sleep easy because I know you couldn’t harm Bud and Lou before they would knock you down…”

 

When he greeted that statement with silence, Harley said, “Professor Crane, I am just kidding! Gosh, still can’t take a joke I see. Please, I really need you on this one. You are the only other person I trust to take care of them for me. You’re a good person, I know it. You wouldn’t just leave them to starve to death or get abused would you? Don’t say you’re going to make me waste my only phone call…it will only be for a little while until Red gets out which should be in about one or two weeks!”

 

Admittedly, he did find himself faltering when Harley said she trusted him. When was the last time someone said that to him? Besides, he supposed making sure the hyenas were well-fed and taken care of wasn’t exactly a crime. There was nothing the Batman could really pin on him right? He knew that he had plenty of gaps at his new teaching job (once again he hid himself under a fake identity), to allow him to visit the creatures… and it wasn’t like he did all that much except read, sleep, and grade papers when he was not working. 

 

He was about to agree when Harley suddenly interrupted by saying, “And of course, Pudding and I will make sure to pay you for all of your work…”

 

When he heard the payment she was willing to give him, he immediately found himself agreeing.

 

It seemed he actually could afford to go to the bookstore sometime in the future…

 

*****************************************  
Amazing. It had only been a few days and he was already regretting his decision on this immediately. 

 

Perhaps he should’ve asked for more money...

 

Harley had instructed him on how not to get ripped to pieces the minute he stepped through the door. Apparently if he held a certain brand of beef jerky up to them as treats, they would immediately know that Harley had sent him to take care of them and they would not attack. However, the beef jerky certainly had not stopped them from jumping on him in excited happiness, immediately bowling him to the ground with their combined weight and attacking his face with kisses and their nasty dog breath. This he learned was a daily process. 

 

He had quickly learned in the first minute that he met the two hyenas that they were basically nothing but overglorified and large puppy dogs. 

 

If he managed to somehow get them off of him and managed to salvage the beef jerky a little, he would have to go through a daily process with them… all which had their own level of tedium. First, he had to feed them. 

 

This meant pouring two bowls of dog food, but no, of course that wasn’t enough. No, he needed to grab prepare a meat of some kind and chop it up into their food. This process was made harder by the fact that Harley and Joker didn’t seem to obedience train the two hyenas, so Jonathan found himself constantly being jumped on by the other two hyenas, who were eager to grab anything that resembled food off the table. The amount of times they had managed to knock the dog bowls off of the counter and spill all the contents across the floor was quite annoying. 

 

If he somehow managed to wrestle the hyenas down long enough to make their breakfast, lunch, and dinner… he would then water them (hyenas he found carried the disgusting trait dogs did of slobbering water all over the ground after they were done drinking. This was even worse if they decided to come and try and lick him right afterwards). 

 

Next was him having to give them walks. Harley had instructed him to walk them together… but after he had lost control of their leashes the first day and had spent three hours looking around for them in a blind panic (he had to cancel class that day and had almost cried with relief when he found them in the woods eating a rabbit instead of a human being), he had found he would have to walk them separately. Even walking one of them he found was a challenge on its own. First, came with simply separating them from one another during walks. He found that when he only put a leash on one of the hyenas, it would cause the other hyena to get extremely jealous and try to finagle its way into joining along. It was hard enough to get the leash on one hyena, seeing as the mere sight of the leash would send the creatures into an excited frenzy, which meant he more or less had to wrestle it around their neck. Then he had to watch out for the other, who would whine and bark and snap at the other out of jealousy. Once he actually managed to loop a leash around one of them, he would then have to basically charge out the door with them and slam it closed before the other one could escape with them. It was a tiring step by step process, made even more exhausting by the actual walk itself.

 

The hyenas he found, were very strong. They were basically nothing but pure muscle and energy. Combine that with their seemingly unquenchable curiosity and Jonathan was left wondering who was really getting lead around during the walk, him or the hyena. Constantly they were tugging at the leash, either to bark at some other lifeform or to go and sniff some patch of grass because they apparently detected some intriguing scent hidden within the grass fronds. The fact that he managed to hold on and stay on his feet the whole walk was a pure miracle. Usually by the first walk, he was exhausted, but he had to keep his promise on walking both… so he would have to go through the process again. He wondered if he would actually develop some muscle mass after this experience. 

 

After walks, he had to water them once more and then he had to sit there and pet them for at least twenty minutes. He was initially going to skip this last step. After all, how would Harley know he didn’t pet the stupid mutts? It wasn’t like they were going to speak against him. But when he tried, the hyenas would whine and snarl and start jumping on him as he began walking out with an intensity that he couldn’t keep up with, so he eventually gave in and began to play with them. Normally, he settled with just absently petting them, which Bud and Lou usually accepted but occasionally, one of them would drag back a toy for him to toss to them or to play tug of war. 

 

He particularly hated these moments. Not only were the dogs a pain to play with because they got very aggressive with their toys but still expected him to play with them… but if he actually managed to get ahold of the toy, it would be covered with slobber which was a sensation he did not like.

 

He had to say, his experience with these damn mutts made him appreciate Nightmare a lot more. He would sometimes complain about the bird and how noisy she could be… but she was so much more well-behaved and tame compared to these wild beasts. 

 

His opinion of the two hyenas remained in general pretty low until one day, as he was walking to Harley and Joker’s hideout, he was greeted by a mugger. The guy wasn’t anything too special in Gotham. He was just a stereotypical big and muscular man who happened to be armed with a gun who wanted some quick cash. He was someone Jonathan might have hired as a henchman long ago. Normally, Jonathan wouldn’t have found himself intimidated by such a figure. Usually one dose of the fear gas in the face would be enough to send the large man tumbling away crying and screaming about spiders or something like that… but unfortunately he didn’t have such a thing on hand anymore. It was all stored away back home underneath his bed. Then, add the fact that he didn’t have any money or anything valuable on his person, and he was basically screwed over.

 

The guy was not happy. He was clutching Jonathan’s ratty shirt in his fist, dragging him so close that Jonathan could smell his nasty, hot breath on his face, demanding Jonathan cough up some cash. He pressed the barrel of the shotgun to the back of Jonathan’s head to enunciate his point. 

 

Jonathan kept explaining that if he had something he would for sure give it to him… but unfortunately, he didn’t. If Jonathan wasn’t afraid of his brains painting the door frame at the moment, he would suggest quite sarcastically to the thug to perhaps try and target actual rich people if he wanted some cash… but at the moment all he could do was just hope the man would be forgiving. He was about to say he wouldn’t tell the police or anything when all of a sudden, the door burst down with a heavy thud and before he knew it, the man suddenly let go of his shirt and fell to the ground with two large hyenas immediately pinning him down. 

 

It seemed like Bud and Lou knew how to burst down the door if needed be. That was both scary and relieving to know.

 

The screams coming from the man were admittedly nice to hear after he had just physically assaulted him. The pure terror and pain he must be feeling also gave Jonathan a small burst of satisfaction. He may be reformed but that didn’t mean he was a completely good person. Part of him almost considered making the guy the meat he put in the dog food… but seeing as he didn’t exactly want to explain a dead body to the police nor did he need Harley or Joker getting in trouble for a cadaver near their hallway (he would assume that he would lose his paycheck if he did that) he called Bud and Lou’s name to come over, which they did obediently, licking the blood off of their jowls. 

 

The man, sporting a rather nasty wound in his arm moaned in pain. Jonathan was wondering what he should do about it when all of a sudden, he heard someone behind him. Whirling around, he flinched at the sight of Batman and immediately raised his hands up defensively, sputtering, “Look, okay. I am just pet-sitting and I didn’t order them to do this and-” 

 

Batman raised his hand up to silence him which somewhat annoyed Jonathan, but seeing as he wanted ot be in the man’s good graces, he promptly shut up. Batman said, “I know… I know. I saw the whole thing. Was about to intervene for you until they came charging in.” He gestured to Bud and Lou who were snarling viciously. Clearly they were not fans of the cloaked man. Jonathan knew though they wouldn’t attack unless ordered to so he quickly ordered them to go into the house, which they obediently did. 

Batman picked up the groaning man and put him in handcuffs… turning to walk away. A man of few words as always. Jonathan stood uncomfortably by, fiddling his hands as he watched the man go, expecting for this to all be some sort of ruse and one of the many Robins to jump out of nowhere and clock him across the face… but it never happened. Batman stopped midway through the walk to his car though and said, “Crane… you’ve done a good job keeping up with your reformation this time. Keep up the good work.” 

 

Jonathan felt a flicker of surprise at the words but nodded and stammered out, “Uh yeah… thank you?” He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He wasn’t used to the man offering him kindness… or anyone really offering him kindness at all. 

 

He was about to walk back in Harley’s house to give the hyenas extra attention (they deserved it after all) when he heard Batman say, “You’ve made some powerful friends as well. I’ve never seen those hyenas protect anyone but Harley and Joker.” 

 

Jonathan was surprised to hear that. He figured the hyenas were just excited that there was an intruder somewhere near the premises… but he wouldn’t know. Had he really gained the hyenas friendship during this time?

 

Not knowing how to respond to that, he just awkwardly shuffled back to the house where Bud and Lou were waiting, tails wagging. Shutting the door (which thankfully had not broken despite them basically flinging it open), Jonathan clapped his hands and said, “I am cooking both of you big steaks...” He didn’t know if the hyenas understood but their barks certainly sounded excited enough.

 

Perhaps he could survive the next few days…

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of like this fic and hate it. I really do like the idea of it still but I revised it so many times and did so many rewrites that by the end of it I just wanted it done... so sorry if it seems rushed in places. 
> 
> Admittedly, this fic came about just because I wanted to do a fic over Bud and Lou. I am a big fans of hyenas so I love the fact that Harley owns a couple. However, try as I might, I couldn't really come up with a Harley plot involving them... so I implemented my favorite character again and this came up. I had to place it in BTAS-verse though as that is the only version of Jon I can see agreeing to do this though... (btw I am such a fan of Harley and Jon friendship in that show lol).
> 
> I apologize as well for the stereotypical thug at the end. I was thinking for a while on how to end this solidly, but couldn't really come up with anything... so... that happened. Lol. It's Gotham city. A thug coming up really isn't that hard to believe right? Right? :'D
> 
> Bud and Lou are very much based on my experience with dogs. OTL
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and as always, critique is wanted!


End file.
